I Think My Mentee Is An Under-performer... But It's Not Entirely His Fault.

Three mentoring sessions in, and I could tell.. It wasn't obvious at first, he seemed switched on, ambitious and focused.

"By the end of the year, I'd like to get promoted," he said. 

I paused and smiled...

I know those words all too well, the words spoken by someone who has seen others be promoted, seen what it has done for their lives, and is now ready for his turn.

I remember being told I was too ambitious. I love ambition; ambition is the force behind focus.

I was a bank manager at 21. I have spent most of my career encouraging people to think bigger, be bolder and put themselves forward.

But as our conversations got deeper, a little voice in my head started to have doubts!

"I am not sure we are ready for the promotion conversation just yet"

He thought we were discussing progression, I thought he was being managed out...

Now, before you think I'm being cruel, let me explain.

He is bright, talented and Hard-working.

The type of person organisations claim they are desperate to attract. He also had absolutely no idea how he was being perceived.

A few weeks earlier, he had come to me frustrated.

"My manager is a hater." lol

I almost laughed; in fact, I did... I hadn't heard that word in quite a while.

I wasn't laughing because I didn't believe him, but because after twenty years in corporate life, I've heard every variation of that sentence imaginable.

Translation:

"She doesn't recognise my talent."

"She keeps challenging me."

"She doesn't like me."

'It's because I am ______"

"She doesn't want me to progress."

So I asked him a simple question.

"Why do you think that?"

For the next twenty minutes, he passionately presented his evidence.

Every example.

Every perceived slight.

Every interaction.

And as he spoke, something became increasingly obvious.

The issue wasn't his manager; the issue was that he couldn't see himself. What he interpreted as criticism was often feedback, what he interpreted as hostility was expectation, and what he interpreted as being overlooked was actually being observed.

Then came the story that validated what I had already been thinking.

A colleague had challenged him in a meeting, and he felt undermined. So naturally to him, he confronted them; in his mind, this was self-advocacy.

Standing up for himself.

Showing confidence.

The result?

A documented conversation about conduct, his confusion was genuine. "But I was just defending myself." I have to defend myself; no one is here to defend me. 

That need to defend, I've been there. When you come from where we come from, you are told, 'No one is coming to save you, you'd better save yourself.'

And that is when I realised what was really happening.

Nobody had ever taught him the rules.

Not the written rules.

The unwritten rules.

The rules many professionals absorb without even realising: how to challenge without creating conflict, how to disagree without escalating, how to build credibility, how to manage perception, how to influence upwards, how to read a room, and how to know when your manager is coaching you versus criticising you.

The things nobody puts in the induction pack.

The things that determine who progresses and who stalls.

And suddenly I wasn't looking at an under-performer.

I was looking at a talented young professional trying to play a game without knowing all the rules. Which is why I believe one of the greatest illusions in inclusion is the belief that once someone gets the job, the playing field is level.

Because getting in is not the same as knowing how to succeed, often it's the people around you who let you in on the secret, who share their own learnings with you. But if you are underperforming, there will be signs.

There are always signs...

7 Signs You Might Be Underperforming And Not Know It

Before we go any further, let me say this: None of these signs means you're not talented.

None of them means you're not capable, and none of them means you're a bad employee.

In fact, some of the brightest people I've mentored have displayed several of these behaviours.

The challenge is that organisations don't measure intent.

They measure impact.

And sometimes the gap between the two is where careers stall.

1. You think everyone else is the problem

Your manager is a hater.

Your colleague is threatened by you.

Leadership have favourites.

The promotion process is unfair.

Sometimes all of those things are true.

But if every piece of feedback is somebody else's fault, you've probably stopped learning. One of the most powerful career questions you can ask yourself is:

"What part am I playing in this?"

2. You are constantly surprised by feedback

If you are surprised by your rating at the end of the year, it's equally your fault. 

"My manager never told me."

I hear this all the time.

But often when we dig deeper, somebody did tell them.

A manager, A colleague, A mentor.

The issue wasn't that feedback wasn't given.

The issue was that it wasn't heard.

High performers actively look for feedback.

Under-performers often defend against it.

3. You confuse confidence with confrontation

A colleague challenges your idea.

You challenge them back.

Publicly.

Directly.

Passionately.

You leave feeling proud that you've stood your ground; everyone else leaves wondering why you escalated the situation.

Influence isn't about winning every disagreement.

It's about knowing how to navigate them.

4. You think hard work speaks for itself

This one hurts. 

Our parents told us to keep our heads down and that we would go far. 

We believed them. 

Many professionals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds are taught:

"Keep your head down and work hard," we were told we will need to work five times harder than our white counterparts just to be accepted.

Meanwhile, others are learning:

"Build relationships." "Manage visibility." "Advocate for your impact."

The workplace rewards contribution.

But it also rewards communication.

5. You only engage with leadership when you need something

Many people think networking is transactional.

It's not.

Relationships are built long before opportunities appear. The professionals who progress understand that visibility isn't self-promotion.

It's relationship building.

6. You focus on what is fair rather than what is effective

This is one of the hardest lessons I learned.

Workplaces aren't schools or universities.

The person with the best answer doesn't always win.

The person who can influence, collaborate and bring others with them often does.

You may be right.

But if nobody is listening, being right isn't enough.

7. You believe promotion is based solely on performance

This is perhaps the biggest illusion of all.

Promotions are rarely just about output. They're about trust, Judgement, influence, Relationships, Credibility and Readiness.

The question leaders are asking isn't:

"Can they do the job?"

It's:

"Can I trust them to operate at the next level?"

Those are very different questions. The uncomfortable truth is that many talented professionals are underperforming without knowing it.

Not because they lack capability, but because nobody ever taught them the unwritten rules.

And that's why inclusion matters.

Not because standards should change, but because access to those standards should. It is not all on the individual; leaders play a critical role in levelling the playing field, too.

 

Before You Start Performance Managing Someone, Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

One of my concerns with modern performance management is that, not all leaders should be people leaders. Leadership is a skill, and in today's world, the requirement for human-centric leadership is stronger than ever. 

 We often diagnose capability issues when the real issue is exposure. Inclusive leadership is not about attending events, drafting comms and visibility alone. It is about compassion, empathy and curiosity; it's about truly listening to understand and wanting to find the best in everyone.

The performance management process can be gruelling for the best of us, so before you start documenting concerns, escalating issues or questioning someone's potential, consider these five questions:

1. Have we actually explained what good looks like?

This sounds obvious, almost silly to suggest but..

It isn't.

Many organisations have competency frameworks, values and performance ratings, But have you translated them into practical behaviours?

Could your employee tell you exactly what "executive presence", "stakeholder management" or "commercial awareness" or my favourite 'Gravitas' actually looks like?

Or are they trying to decode it through observation and imitation?

2. Are we measuring capability or familiarity?

One of the greatest advantages of privilege is proximity.

Some people arrive already understanding professional norms because they've been exposed to them their entire lives.

Others are learning as they go.

Ask yourself: Are they genuinely underperforming? Or are they navigating an environment whose rules have never been made explicit?

3. Have we given feedback, or have we hinted?

Managers often tell me, "They should know."

My response is always:

How?

Have you had the difficult conversation? Have you given specific examples? Have you explained the impact?

Or have you relied on subtle cues and hoped they would work it out?

Hope is not a development strategy.

4. Are we judging the person or the behaviour?

This distinction matters.

"He's difficult."

"She's aggressive."

"They lack gravitas."

These are conclusions.

Good leaders focus on observable behaviours.

What happened?

What was the impact?

What needs to change?

Behaviour can be coached, labels rarely help anyone grow.

5. Have we invested as much in development as we have in judgment?

This is the hardest question.

Before deciding someone isn't ready, ask yourself:

What support have we provided? What coaching have we offered? What mentoring have we facilitated? What opportunities have we created for them to learn?

Because sometimes what looks like poor performance is actually unrealised potential. Sometimes, underperformance is someone who really wants to do well but doesnt know how. 

Like my mentee, it's an investment working with me, a true commitment to their own performance. He decided to invest in mentorship to secure a promotion. What he is getting is a year of inside intel into how to navigate the next phase of your career. 

Don't lower the bar.. widen the pool!

The best leaders don't lower standards.

They make success easier to understand, they don't assume people know the rules, they teach them, and that's the difference between managing performance and developing people.

One creates compliance.

The other creates growth.

The good news?

We have course-corrected, and this story doesn't end with a performance improvement plan; it ends with awareness. This week, I gave my mentee two challenges.

The first was to intentionally build his relationship with his manager, not to suck up (his words), not to manipulate her.

But to genuinely understand her expectations, communication style and what success looks like through her eyes. 

The second was to find an internal mentor. We have 4 more sessions together, and although we could continue, I recommended finding a safe internal mentor who can keep him accountable.

Someone senior enough to understand the culture.

Someone who could advocate for him.

Someone who could explain the things that never appear in the employee handbook.

Because careers are rarely built alone, And progression is rarely just about performance.

It's about guidance, It's about sponsorship, it's about having someone who can help you see the blind spots you cannot see yourself.

We're still on a journey.

The goal has changed.

When we first met, he wanted a promotion by the end of the year.

Today, our goal is much simpler:

A strong performance rating.

Better relationships.

Improved judgement.

Greater self-awareness.

And honestly?

That's probably the promotion he needs most right now, The irony is that he hasn't become less ambitious.

He's become more informed, And that's progress.

I don't have many mentoring slots available each year.

Life, business and client work don't allow for it, but supporting professionals like this is exactly why I continue to mentor. Why I work with senior leadership teams and why Illume Executive Consulting deeply believes in cultural governance, inclusive practises and leadership authority.

Because every now and then, you meet someone with enormous potential who isn't struggling because they lack capability.

They're struggling because nobody ever taught them the rules.

In many ways, that is the central theme of my upcoming book, The Illusion of Inclusion.

We spend a lot of time talking about access.

Much less time talking about navigation.

We celebrate getting people through the door, but rarely discuss what happens once they're inside.

The unwritten rules, the hidden curriculum.

The cultural and professional codes that some people inherit and others have to painstakingly decode, because the greatest illusion of inclusion isn't failing to hire diverse talent.

It's believing that the offer letter was enough.

It never was.